Disclaimer: the views expressed in this blog are my own and do not represent the views of the Peace Corps or the United States Government

I recently finished ‘Infinite Jest’ by David Foster Wallace. So for fun I’m going to write this post in the style of his writing.

f you ever happen to find yourself as a stranded American expatriate development worker in the Republic of Malawi, formerly known as Nyasaland, and then known as the Federation of Northern and Southern Rhodesia and Nyasaland, and before that also Nyasaland, you will acquire many new exotic and interesting facts.

For instance, you will learn that Carlsberg beer is “probably” the best beer in the world, and you will always feel a sense of existential dread when trying to think about what the best beer in the world actually is.
You will learn that 1,000 Malawian Kwacha is entirely too much to pay for a men’s haircut and the most you should ever pay is 150.
That “sleeping in” usually refers to sleeping until 5:30am.
That people on minibuses have drastically different interpretations of the concept of personal hygiene and that you will discover this because drivers and conductors of minibuses have drastically different interpretations of the concept of personal space than anyone on the outside, meaning you may find yourself holding a stranger’s baby in one hand and two live chickens in another while balancing a maize sack on your back and head.

That sometimes you will feel more culture shock when experiencing life with other Americans than when experiencing life with Malawians.
That despite America’s diversity, it’s still possible for people from all over the country to work together and support each other.

That you never saw the biggest insects/bugs/spiders in the US even though you thought you did.
That people will try and fail to use a chemically drenched bed net for just about everything including but not limited to a plethora of harmful things like fishing in the lake, or a garden cover.

You will learn just how beautiful it is to see all of the stars for the first time in your life.
That a pit latrine is referred to as a “chim” (short for Chichewa–Chimbudzi) by Peace Corps Volunteers and that “chims” will be the highlight of no less than 3 conversations that you have with every PCV for two years in your service
That you will become much more comfortable discussing diarrhea with anyone and everyone and that in every conversation with a PCV it will come up at least once.
That the mud floor of a chim is unstable and will possibly fall through while you are squatting to do your business.

That Malawi is possibly the poorest country in the world, or possibly the fifth poorest country in the world, depending on whose statistics you trust.
That Malawians are the nicest people in the world.
That some Malawians prefer to just listen to pure static on the radio at full blast as opposed to any music.
That Malawians are immune to fire, and you will learn to be unsurprised when someone you are chatting with by a fire sticks his or her bare hand into the fire to warm it up a bit or grabs a hot coal and carries it several meters before dropping it to make a new fire.
That despite the fact that dust is everywhere and gets on everything, Malawian men have spit-shined shoes at all times, unless of course they are playing football (soccer), in which case there are often no shoes to speak of.

That Africa should not be generalized, when it comes to people, culture or even something as basic as weather patterns, meaning you should pack a coat when you come to Malawi.
That children under the age of 5 can do almost everything better than you, including but not limited to: washing clothes by hand, starting fires, drawing water, carrying and balancing buckets of water on the head, riding bicycles, sweeping outside, chopping firewood, making bricks, washing dishes, mudding floors, and playing football (soccer).
That it’s completely useless to learn any numbers over 5 in Chichewa because everyone uses the English numbers anyway, even people in villages who know no other words in English.
That amayi (mothers) can express a variety of emotions simply with noise at different tones that are impossible to write or convey to anyone who hasn’t been here and experienced the sing-song nature of southern African Bantu languages (The most common of these being “ah” in a high tone shortly followed by “ah” in an extremely low tone, said whenever something bad happens such as spilling water over the bamboo mat that you are eating on).
That chairs are really unnecessary–unless of course, you have or are a visitor, in which case chairs become the most important thing in the world and even if you feel extremely awkward about it you’d better just accept the offer of the chair and sit to avoid offending the chief or Traditional Authority and risk an international incident (hyperbole–I think).

That many words which are different in English are actually the same in Chichewa, such as “to want” and “to need,” (kufuna) as well as, “to like” and “to love,” (kukonda) which is beautiful but sometimes problematic and that even more problematic amongst these is that “poison” and “medicine” (mankhwala) are the same word.

That you are not a hero or savior and cannot save the world. That you are part of an intricate system of many people–mostly non-white and non-American–who have the ability, capacity, knowledge, and wisdom to change the world. That you may never see or know the results of your actions here and whether they were successful, and that this too is a necessary consequence of sustainability.
That unsustainability will not only be problematic for you, but that at times it will break your heart, and you will have to learn how to cope with seeing the many misguided NGO projects of the past and the present without becoming cynical or angry.
That poverty is a complex web that cannot be explained with one, two, or twenty reasons alone and that people who are poor, anywhere in the world (including the United States of America) never voluntarily choose poverty for themselves.
That Africa is not homogenous (you will learn this more than once).
That Malawi is not defined by its poverty.
That goats might just be the most hated animals this side of paradise.
That if you give a Malawian a piece of trash (or what you might call trash) it will inevitably reappear again a few days later as a sugar container, a plant holder, something which to write on, a house decoration, a makeshift car or bicycle part, a piece of a child’s game, or any number of other miscellaneous household items.
That life without constant connection to the internet can actually make you happier.
That multivitamins are God’s gift to humanity.

That some people hate Christians just as much as some Christians hate people, and that hatred and love are not necessarily confined to one specific group. In fact, you will learn that people are unbelievably complex and that even those typically seen as the worst possible people have sparks of light within them and those who are the best have flashes of darkness. That no one is good or bad, but everyone just is. That they are free to choose whatever action they desire in any moment.
That if you don’t dance when you go up to give your offering at church you will be judged heavily by all the eyes in the room.
That no matter how smart you think you are, you are actually way less smart than that [<—This one is actually a direct quote from Infinite Jest, but it’s a lesson I definitely learn here daily].
That no matter how strong you think you are, a Malawian child (usually a female), can usually beat you in an arm wrestling competition, due to all the chores and skills mentioned above.

That gender inequality is a real issue and that to solve it would solve so many other problems.
That climate change is overwhelmingly denied in wealthy countries while it is overwhelmingly accepted in poor countries with tropical climates. And then that climate change affects these poor countries drastically more than the wealthy countries, even though these wealthy countries are the main ones responsible for it. And then that climate change is not only a threat to the future but the present and the past, having caused both droughts and floods in Malawi, resulting in starvation and death. And you will then learn that you need to find a way to not be angry that some of your own fellow Americans refuse to even acknowledge that it’s an issue.
That Malawi was not made for tall people and that you will hit your head on more doors and walls than you ever thought possible
That there are few things worse in life than having explosive diarrhea in a chim, but that among these worse things is missing your aim and having to clean up the chim afterwards.
That a chitenje is just about the most useful item this side of the Atlantic, and you should probably take one wherever you go.

And then, that at the end of the day, we are all human beings and that although differences exist amongst all of us, cultural, personality, racial, etc, we all want the same things. We may just disagree on how to get there.
That life is unfair, sometimes.
That where you are born often can, and does, affect whether you live or die.
That this too can change.
Or perhaps this is a self-aggrandizing, naïve wish.
Who knows?
And so it goes.